Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Some Expendable Onyx GuardMale/Canada Groups :iconthe-ultimate-meme: The-ultimate-meme
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 2,471 Deviations 9,957 Comments 261,984 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

We don't have a son by onyxcarmine We don't have a son :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 97 21 I say... by onyxcarmine I say... :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 127 30 Props to you by onyxcarmine Props to you :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 130 29 I'm on fire by onyxcarmine I'm on fire :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 182 6 Chart by onyxcarmine Chart :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 116 28 Where's Fall? by onyxcarmine Where's Fall? :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 197 58 I'm insane by onyxcarmine I'm insane :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 108 11 Mere words by onyxcarmine Mere words :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 123 12 The Problem by onyxcarmine The Problem :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 129 30 Taken for granted by onyxcarmine Taken for granted :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 187 22 Ted Cruz by onyxcarmine Ted Cruz :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 75 6 Shy by onyxcarmine Shy :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 222 25 Ta-da by onyxcarmine Ta-da :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 148 9 I'll take that under advisement by onyxcarmine I'll take that under advisement :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 116 5 Perfect by onyxcarmine Perfect :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 179 47 Minor Inconvenience by onyxcarmine Minor Inconvenience :icononyxcarmine:onyxcarmine 102 9

Favourites

WIP / unfinished - Charles by oomizuao WIP / unfinished - Charles :iconoomizuao:oomizuao 637 13 For My Favourite Assholes on Here! C: by Mintaka-TK For My Favourite Assholes on Here! C: :iconmintaka-tk:Mintaka-TK 57 7 Shyvana - LoL (Fanart) by yoshiyaki Shyvana - LoL (Fanart) :iconyoshiyaki:yoshiyaki 890 24 SG soraka by sakimichan SG soraka :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 8,569 132 Checkpoint Breached by LordGojira Checkpoint Breached :iconlordgojira:LordGojira 27 9 20 Million by jollyjack 20 Million :iconjollyjack:jollyjack 501 100 League of Legends: Go Go Draven by GisAlmeida League of Legends: Go Go Draven :icongisalmeida:GisAlmeida 1,535 115 League of Legends: Lollipoppy by GisAlmeida League of Legends: Lollipoppy :icongisalmeida:GisAlmeida 316 42 IT sketch giveaway by PatrickBrown IT sketch giveaway :iconpatrickbrown:PatrickBrown 861 38 Spider-man the animated series by PatrickBrown Spider-man the animated series :iconpatrickbrown:PatrickBrown 2,199 77 Starguardian Princesss Sona by sakimichan Starguardian Princesss Sona :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 9,288 164 Pepe Lives by LordGojira Pepe Lives :iconlordgojira:LordGojira 30 27 Pool Party Ahri by sakimichan Pool Party Ahri :iconsakimichan:sakimichan 8,485 143 Miss Fortune Arcade Skin by ARTdesk Miss Fortune Arcade Skin :iconartdesk:ARTdesk 2,327 52 League of Legends: Pool Party Zac by GisAlmeida League of Legends: Pool Party Zac :icongisalmeida:GisAlmeida 4,521 219 Star Guardian Katarina (skin concept) by ShiNaa Star Guardian Katarina (skin concept) :iconshinaa:ShiNaa 194 28

Activity


Respect is taught at home. If your kid is a disrespectful little bastard, it's your fault. Not society's. Not music. Not video game's. Yours.
I think the golden rule for men should be: If you're a man, don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison.
Stop blaming yourself for other people doing shitty things to you. They fucked up, not you.

deviantID

onyxcarmine's Profile Picture
onyxcarmine
Some Expendable Onyx Guard
Canada
Hello there, I'm some expendable Onyx Guard, pleasure to meet you. I'm a nice guy half the time and I'm an asshole for the other half. I enjoy making people laugh. If you browse my gallery, you'll find lots of pictures that I hope will make you laugh

I try to avoid getting into arguments with people because arguing on the internet is kind of pointless. If I did something to rustle your jimmies oh well :P

I despise little kids very much. They're fucking parasites :la:

I currently work part time at a pharmacy and am going to college as well.

I love parties, festivals, concerts, friends and my family. I love alcohol quite a lot. You can never ever have too much alcohol. LETS GET FUCKED UP! :icondrunk-plz:

I am also a REALLY terrible drawer , but I will still post my drawings regardless of how they look and I also post memes. I actually mostly post memes, but once I draw something, I'll post it. Aw you don't like it? Let me play you a sad song on the worlds smallest violin :bucktooth:

Slow interwebz by prosaix Pageviews by prosaix Always hungry... by prosaix I cannot draw by prosaix Mental Wi-Fi by prosaix FNaF by TheArtOfNotLikingYou Dislike Little Kids Stamp by SGStamps Online ads by prosaix Motley Crue Stamp by Kezzi-Rose I Love Beer Stamp by AndroniX Shitty Excuse by FlacidPenis Children should be seen and not worshipped. by Little-rolling-bean Sleep is Overrated Stamp by Mirz123 Real Friends Stamp by Mirz123 I laugh at white knights by prosaix I laugh at homophobes by prosaix I talk to myself... by prosaix I laugh at religious freaks by prosaix Universe Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Nightowl Stamp by Kezzi-Rose 'Explaining' Stamp by Sonira-Stamps Sarcasm Stamp I by darkdisciple-stamps Rock Music Stamp by Davidgtza2 Deadpool Stamp by aniphx Deadpool Stamp by Sinister666beauty STAMP - I support Deadpool by Emme-Gray Gay by Super-Cheesepuff Paranoid Notes Stamp by SparkLum I don't know you enough. by PrincessFlaw Extraterrestrial Life Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Halo Addict Stamp by dehydromon Not so Good Ol' Days by LadyRedDarkness Dear Stalker Stamp by artisticallylearning It's just a fucking horror game. by wingedoracle DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE STAMP by TanaTiels
A thing about my view on other things :meow:

The Agnostic Stamp by JRCnrd Evolution Stamp by Kezzi-Rose For Those in the Community or Those Supporting by endler LGBT+ Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Pro-Choice stamp by FearlessLullaby Pro Choice by MoronicGlassKiller Liberal Stamp by Mintaka-TK :thumb376805924: Fetuses cannot be great people like women can. by Little-rolling-bean If you don't like that, well...fuck you. by Catthylove

Mature Content

Screw ISIS! by Xekowarrior123


Click for a massive eargasm! :la: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAYPkV…


Below is a wonderful song.

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinking alone

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say "Man what are you doing here?"

Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright

Song by Billy Joel. Piano Man.

Let's see what Obama thinks of the song.

█▀░░░░░░░░░░░▀▀███████░░░░
░░█▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀██████░░░
░█▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░███████▌░░
░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░████████░░
▐▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀██████▌░░
░▌▄███▌░░░░▀████▄░░░░▀████▌░░
▐▀▀▄█▄░▌░░░▄██▄▄▄▀░░░░████▄▄░
▐░▀░░═▐░░░░░░══░░▀░░░░▐▀░▄▀▌▌
▐░░░░░▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀░▀░░▌▌
▐░░░▄▀░░░▀░▌░░░░░░░░░░░░▌█░▌▌
░▌░░▀▀▄▄▀▀▄▌▌░░░░░░░░░░▐░▀▐▐░
░▌░░▌░▄▄▄▄░░░▌░░░░░░░░▐░░▀▐░░
░█░▐▄██████▄░▐░░░░░░░░█▀▄▄▀░░
░▐░▌▌░░░░░░▀▀▄▐░░░░░░█▌░░░░░░
░░█░░▄▀▀▀▀▄░▄═╝▄░░░▄▀░▌░░░░░░
░░░▌▐░░░░░░▌░▀▀░░▄▀░░▐░░░░░░░
░░░▀▄░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░█░░░░░░░
░░░▄█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░▌▌░░░░░░
░░▄▀▌▀▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░▄▀▀▄░░░░░
▄▀░░▌░▀▄░░░░░░░░░░▄▀░░▌░▀▄░░░
░░░░▌█▄▄▀▄░░░░░░▄▀░░░░▌░░░▌▄▄
░░░▄▐██████▄▄░▄▀░░▄▄▄▄▌░░░░▄░
░░▄▌████████▄▄▄███████▌░░░░░▄
░▄▀░██████████████████▌▀▄░░░░
▀░░░█████▀▀░░░▀███████░░░▀▄░░
░░░░▐█▀░░░▐░░░░░▀████▌░░░░▀▄░
░░░░░░▌░░░▐░░░░▐░░▀▀█░░░░░░░▀
░░░░░░▐░░░░▌░░░▐░░░░░▌░░░░░░░
░╔╗║░╔═╗░═╦═░░░░░╔╗░░╔═╗░╦═╗░
░║║║░║░║░░║░░░░░░╠╩╗░╠═╣░║░║░
░║╚╝░╚═╝░░║░░░░░░╚═╝░║░║░╩═╝░

What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now?
He'd make a plan, and he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold,
He two Salchows and a triple Lutz
Wearing a blindfold

When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath
And saved the maidens fair

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he was here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do!

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
And saved us all again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kubla Khan,
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody!

No, Brian! Those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those!

I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!
I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings!

Brian Boitano was born
On the planet of Kryluck
He came to earth to save us all
From war and death and such!

Hi de lo de hi de lay!
Brian Boitano's here!
So round up all your lasses,
And tell them to have no fear!

Say, come over here my honey,
And you're gonna take off my pants,
And I'm gonna make dirty love to you,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!

(_ _)
  \\ Λ_Λ
   \( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  Put
    > ⌒ヽ
   /   へ\ This
   /  / \\
   レ ノ   ヽ_つ on
  / /
  / /| Your
 ( (ヽ
 | |、\ Page
 | 丿 \ ⌒)
 | |  ) / If you're
`ノ )  Lノ
(_/ LENNY

(•_•)
<) )╯ do a little dance
/ \

\ (•_•)
( (> make a little love
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> get down tonight
/ \

Some sayings I live by.

I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole.

You were born an original, don't die a copy.

Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Sometimes you just need to relax and say.... ...fuck it!

If you don't do wild things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.

I hate when people say that you don't need alcohol to have fun. Well, you don't need running shoes to run, but it fucking helps.

If "Plan A" didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Stay cool

My mouth is not a bakery, I don't sugarcoat anything. If you for ask my opinion, I'm going to tell you the truth, not what you want to hear. Deal with it.

I know people who graduated college at 21, and didn't get a salary job until they were 27. I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job. I know people who have children and are single. I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents. I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else. I know people who love each other and aren't together. There are people waiting to love and be loved. My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock. You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they're not. They're living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You're not falling behind, it's just not your time.
Interests
  • Reading: College books
  • Watching: Gotham
  • Playing: Gears Of War 4
  • Eating: Food
  • Drinking: Beer
Alright, so for the past 4 and a half hours, I have been grinding away at my Spreadsheets homework to get ready for the upcoming test tomorrow. So, I got Chapter 5 done easily, but Chapter 6 proved to be quite the deception.

We're allowed to submit the practice test 5 times to see how we did and fix our mistakes. Granted I got a majority of the instructions done correctly, there was this one problem I was having with the final part. 

Now the problem is this takes place in Microsoft Excel, the program where if you try to move something around and make a wrong move, everything goes to shit. So, after submitting it for the third time, it still said the parts where linking numbers was wrong even though the numbers were THE FUCKING EXACT SAME ON THE EXAMPLE.

So I spent a lot of time looking for what I did wrong and it wasn't until I looked at the formula on the correct version from a few weeks ago to see what I did wrong. The name of the file had a (1) on it. That was the one I was using for this practice test. The one I kept getting wrong. Then I see that the correct one didn't have anything extra there. That's when it hit me.

I'd been deceived from the big greedy corporations of my campus, trying to get me to quit my business studies so I'll take an entirely new course load so I have to spend +$300 on books and pay $2000 for my classes ($400 each) Stare 

Tinfoil Hat by onyxcarmine

Hahaha nah just kidding, but I do feel like I've been deceived here. I mean maybe I'm just an idiot, but when it comes to Excel and this course, you're not allowed to make any adjustments unless it's instructed. I mean I didn't know this was the same sheet until half-way through, and the fact that a little addition made on a file name is ridiculous. I removed the (1) from the name of the file and tried it again and surprise surprise, the thing said it was correct?

I'm pretty annoyed by it, but also can't help but laugh. Either I'm an idiot, or I've been deceived. Probably a mix of both :lol:

Friends

:iconfluffykyubey42: :iconlordgojira: :iconsilverkazeninja: :iconganassa: :iconzuqling: :iconmagzikoopa: :iconcrankypepper: :iconmintaka-tk: :iconh1r0h1t0: :iconikyucatia: :iconunversedlupine: :iconbluethealpha: :iconjocy-chick: :iconthefunnyamerican:

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconskull-legion94:
Skull-Legion94 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
DUDE

GAIN A WATCHER!!!!

THESE ARE FUNNY!
Reply
:icononyxcarmine:
onyxcarmine Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Glad to hear that
Reply
:iconlallibear:
lallibear Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Im so happy to be watching you
Reply
:icononyxcarmine:
onyxcarmine Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2017
So you can spam your friends profiles with my memes?

I approve of that! :la:
Reply
:iconlallibear:
lallibear Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly. Also, your humor is good for the soul 👌
Reply
:iconspringtrapthebest:
SpringTrapthebest Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2017  Professional General Artist

wir müssen in deinen spuren folgen
Reply
:icononyxcarmine:
onyxcarmine Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2017
Who's following me in my tracks
Reply
:iconthedeadlyrosered:
TheDeadlyRosered Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, man. How are things going? For me, I'm doing pretty good.
Reply
:icononyxcarmine:
onyxcarmine Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2017
Well that's great that things are going good for you. I just started my final semester at college to become an accountant. 
Reply
:iconthedeadlyrosered:
TheDeadlyRosered Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Cool. BTW, sorry for the late reply. I was at work.
Reply
Add a Comment: